Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Friends, family - I'm retarded. I know. To many of you this comes as no surprise... some may have always wondered.. well now it is official. So why come clean now? Well tonight I was practising clarinet (I know - now I'm not right in the head and a geek) and I kept thinking - man, this really really doesn't sound right. You see, I finally bought a practice book so I could really start practising. I'm playing the lone ranger song, and things just aren't adding up.

Now Carmen may or may not remember the day she explained to me why dyed hair wasn't as big a deal as I thought. You see we were going to dye my hair for the first time in university and I said I didn't really want to get it done because I didn't want the tips to be different colors. That's right... Carmen, then explained to me that - poor, sweet, April - hair actually grows from the root, just like plants grow from roots... and then there is me finding out in February that beer is carbonated... that's right - there are bubbles in beer... to a none beer drinker - it was pretty unbelievable... how didn't I know that... well I'd never had beer before and I thought it was bubbly on tv because it was... well, frankly, I have no idea.. I just thought it was going to be like brown wine.. I know - it is a bigger hole I'm digging, but it is true.

And then tonight I decide I better look up the fingering charts because I must be just a little off. Well it turns out that all the practicing and believing that I was getting better was completely wrong. You see I was playing my clarinet just like a flute (no - I wasn't holding it to the side of my head - I just mean with and my oboe (which I totally and completely miss) and it turns out that the clarinet is TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY different! I mean, it isn't even kind of similar... and so now I have to learn a whole new fingering system... what it really makes me want to do is go buy an oboe.. but them's are EXPENSIVE... it is, however, my favorite instrument... maybe one day.

Alright - so there you go... how do I get out of bed every day and then do the job I do... not sure... but it all works...


Carmen said...

Holy crap. I totally remember that... dammit Ape... you just about made me pee my pants with this post.

I needed it tonight... thanks!

april said...

Ha - pee your pants... and you wrote asshat tonight... even with the canucks loss I'm smiling!

Amy said...

Just wait 'til you figure out that the angle you hold it at affects pitch just as much as the reed you use and your mouth position.

Okay, that actually sounds very dirty . . . but true :)