Sunday, October 15, 2006

a letter

Dear Previous Owners Of Our Home,

Thank for selling us your house so quickly and giving us a discount on the price with one simple request. You asked no questions and we thought it was grand.

Thank you for leaving the mice behind in the cold room. It appears that they had a real feast in that room. Thank you for making us fear that we had the hanta virus. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to brush up our skills on bleaching wood and reconstruction.

Thank you for making sure that every wall and floor line in the house is not square. The 'Alice in Wonderland' feel should help us in resale value.

Thank you for cutting a whole in the countertop and covering it up. We also would like to say that the color purple everyone is a great added bonus. You, so cleverly, matching the grape wallpaper to the countertop was genius!

Thank you for deciding that insulation was not a necessity in exterior walls. We enjoy paying through the nose on gas bills. What a great way to ensure that I will never get to go on a vacation.

Thank you for giving my husband the opportunity to purchase numerous tools. He enjoys all of the tasks that now lay ahead of him. The list grows everyday and it always makes us smile.

I hope that you found an equally pleasant home and wish you the best.

Sincerely,

April

4 comments:

The Jaded Bee said...

Love the letter.

I don't think any home-builder quite knows what a 90-degree angle is, or a square for that matter. I have discovered that I am very good at drywalling (the mud and tape, haven't tried the boards) and have major plans for using this new-found talent all over the house to re-fix the cracks in the walls, etc that got bad spackle jobs before the house was ours. Is your counter really purple? I find that...incredulous seems like a word I would describe my reaction.

Be well.

the author said...

Yes, they are really purple. Purple with coloured speckles. It is quite the sight.

I'm going to try and get all the wallpaper down before Andy comes home from Vancouver, but I'm not sure if I will find the time. It is definitely a late night project.

Well I have to finish my cleaning duties - my boss is coming to my house for meeting... yeah - lucky me. On the cleaning front I bought a new all purpose cleaner at shoppers drug mart - it leaves the small of cucumber face mask. It is actually quite nice and it is sticking around. I think the brand is called Elements but I will I have to confirm.

Jen - is it Jade's birthday today?

the author said...

oh - and andy (because I will forget) Jasmine hates me. She has official packed up and moved herself into the basement. She doesn't come upstairs at all - unless she knows we aren't here. Today I came in the house and she took one look at me and marched off to the basement. Flipper, however, is living it up without her upstairs. Last nigh Flipper stretched out beside Michael and let him pet her. Then she decided she could get closer. She must have caught something - I've never seen her act like this... that reminds me - off to clean the box.

The Jaded Bee said...

Nope, Jade's birthday is Saturday. My favourite cleaner (got green paint the cat spread around the house out of almost everything) is Orange TKO. Natural, completely safe for everybody in the house including pets, and I don't think I've ever had a problem with the smell of oranges. Seems expensive, but it's not considering it's a concentrate that lasts forever.

CRAP! Gotta run and see how much the grapes have boiled over onto the stove....