Thursday, September 30, 2010

raging panic

It is nearly 4am here and I'm sleeping - not well - but sleeping and I start having pain in my left side... (left) and it jolts me out of sleep and in two seconds my entire body goes - it is appendicitis and you are in the USA... (insert expletive) - I just sit there and try to calm down... it is ok - where are the positive mantras - why am I having a meltdown... but now I can't sleep I'm wide awake - could this be true - and so I hit google and see... and there - thankfully - it says right... and then I check my hands to make sure that it is left and not right,... but it is too late my body is full of adrenaline and now I can't return to sleep - I haven't watched tv in over two weeks - I think I will try that to get back into... try and get another couple of hours sleep... madness... stupid, freakin' anxiety..  just needed to write... this too will pass - just anxiety... just panic... and now I'm freezing...

*yes - I do actually have out of country insurance for this... but seriously... that is just something I don't want to have to use.

night - ish

1 comment:

M said...

Just remember you get to go home soon and see your men, that might help. Its almost over :)

Love you and remember to breath!